how to get there

In my musings by Antwuan Malone4 Comments

ever wonder what it’s like to know what you’re here for?

i do.  i’ve been wondering that for like over ten years.

i knew what people said.

“you’re gonna be just like your dad.”

“you’re next!”

“i see a glow in you.”

but you can’t go on what other people say. my dad happened to be a minister/pastor throughout most of my life. so to “be just like him,” that meant i’d have to do the same. and honestly, there wasn’t anything scary about that. i had experienced a measure of leadership early on. something to build. i loved the scriptures and battling through what God really means to us as he’d chosen to reveal himself in Word and Flesh. i wasn’t afraid of the crowd, of the lights, of even the lifestyle. it wasn’t scary. in fact, a secret part of me kind of wanted to go there.

but i needed the “thumbs up” from God. and for all these years, i hadn’t gotten it.

until now.

there has never been a time in my life where i felt so clear about the direction my life should go in. never. not in my previous marriage. not in job selections, not with anything. God has place a burning flame so constant and steady, it’s like my heart is that bush moses spoke to that burned but was not consumed. passion. drive. excitement. even readiness.

but what now. what’s the next step.

i often ask God, “how cruel is it to tell me what you want me to do, without giving me the way to do it?’ perhaps that is my impatient flesh talking. or perhaps it is the effects of the long winding road that has led to this point. i don’t know. but God has given me a ministry. an egypt. i’m certainly no moses, but i can understand the idea that he was given a certain people. a direct calling. a vision and a plan to go and tend to the needs of the bondage israelites.

i think i know who my israelites are. but i don’t know where to start. what to do next. i feel like those toy cars that you wind up or drag backwards to get the wheels ready to go. God’s wound me up, pulled me back and pointed me in a direction, but he hasn’t let go yet. im still here. stuck. ready… but stuck.

its both delightful and frustrating.

The following two tabs change content below.
Antwuan Malone is a Ministry Director at ELEVATE Young Adult Ministry (elevateministry.net) where empowers young adults toward Christian leadership. He is passionate about seeing young adults take their place in church history by drawing near enough to God to hear his call on their life, and courageously living in obedience to that call.
4 comments
@lisa_dawn1
@lisa_dawn1

I've prayed for several years for God to use me mightily. I don't really even know my Israel. I don't know where to start. I don't know what to do. It sure seems like I've been through a lot and some of that has to help others, just don't know how. Or maybe I'm meant to encourage others with more talent that me. I know God has lots more to teach me, but I'm sure ready to get started.

@antwuanmalone
@antwuanmalone

It's coming... don't worry. Thanks for commenting.

cushmanschronicles
cushmanschronicles

It could be that I'm graduating college in a couple months, but I'm starting to feel a similar sense - that God's got me ready to go, just hasn't let me loose yet. What's been a challenge for me, though, is to think of it less as me simply waiting for the green light and more as some deeper things being developed in me while I'm waiting. Not saying you're in this boat; just pointing out the slight difference I feel. I have the desire to work and serve my Israel(s), but perhaps not the skill sets yet. And beyond feeling the urge to put the pedal to the metal, I think there is much more that God simply wants to teach me before He does let me loose. I think He wants me to walk a little bit closer with Him before I take on things with more responsibility, you know? It's often an uncomfortable and maybe even frustrating spot to be in, but I think I'll understand it all some years down the road.

@antwuanmalone
@antwuanmalone

Preparation. You're probably right. I probably just need to release it and let God do his thing.