Is It Okay to Be Christian, Single… and Sexy?

In Candid Christianity: The Blog, Love by Antwuan Malone24 Comments

Guest Posted by Nicole Cottrell: www.modernreject.com | *read my post on this subject HERE)

It is no secret that being single is sometimes seen as a pseudo plague within the church. Marriage is exalted, while many single people are left feeling isolated, under-appreciated, or downright ignored.

Pastors pay little attention to singles from the pulpit. Instead, they direct their messages towards creating healthy marriages and the like. So, where does that leave single Christians?

If being a single Christian is seen by many in the church as such an unfortunate event, it would stand to reason that single people can’t actually be desirable.

The ideal image of a Christian, as painted by much of the American church, is one who marries young, has 2.3 children, and attends church each Sunday. Yet, what is the ideal portrait of a Christian who happens to also be single?

Can single Christians be seen as desirable? In fact, forget the word desirable. Can they be sexy?

Admittedly, the word “sexy” carries some negative stereotypes–stereotypes that we do not want to associate with Christians. At the same time, however, sex appeal does not simply cease to exist while one is single, yet then appear once one is married.

Individuals choose their spouses, in part, because they are physically attracted to them. We could call this sex appeal. Likewise, what one person might find as sexy, another may not.

The short answers seems to be that, yes, single Christians can be sexy. This, however, begs the question: Should they be sexy?

Christian women are instructed in the Bible to be modest. Today, modesty is certainly a dying concept, when the Mylie Cyruses of the world grinding on young men in music videos is our only representation of “innocence.”

Matthew 18:7 also says, “Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!” I believe this applies to all believers. Thus, dudes flirting in sexually suggestive ways is just as harmful as a chick wearing a shirt that happens to be a smidge or more too low-cut.

The question of sexiness, then, comes down to each individual and what they believe is acceptable before the Lord. I, for instance, have always been a modest dresser, even before knowing the Lord. I decided some time ago to ask myself this question: If Jesus were standing right in front of me, would I be comfortable in what I was wearing or would I try to cover myself?

Each believer must ask themselves their own set of questions, in line with scripture. God gave us sex appeal. He designed men and women to be attracted to one another. However, he also designed us to not only be attracted to the physicality of the opposite sex. A million other factors come into play…intellect, sense of humor, mood, temperament, etc.

Should something else come into play when considering a Christian sexy? I have a friend who found a man who truly loved Jesus to be about the most attractive trait a man could hold.

She once said, “A man who loves Jesus is hot.” I happen to agree. There is something attractive about a man devoted to God. This attractive quality could, I suppose, translate into sexiness for some.

In short, while I don’t expect Christians who are single to walk around oozing sex appeal, I don’t see why they can’t be sexy on some level. Each person has to determine what is appropriate and pleasing to God in their own single life. Likewise, love for God can never be underestimated as an attractive, even desirable quality. Christians: Sexy and single? Yes. Oh yes.

Do you agree or disagree? Can Christians be single and sexy? Why or why not? What makes a single Christian sexy?


Nicole Cottrell is trained in the fine art of button-pushing. She uses her skills daily on Modern Reject where she writes about the intersection of faith and culture as well as the unpopular stuff no one else likes to talk about. Nicole is a speaker, writer, discipler, and coffee fanatic.

website: www.modernreject.com twitter: @modernreject

 

Read Candid Christianity’s view of this subject soon on the ModernReject site www.modernreject.com :

 

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Antwuan Malone is a Ministry Director at ELEVATE Young Adult Ministry (elevateministry.net) where empowers young adults toward Christian leadership. He is passionate about seeing young adults take their place in church history by drawing near enough to God to hear his call on their life, and courageously living in obedience to that call.
22 comments
08lowkw
08lowkw

Sexiness defined in suggestive macho connotations is simply shallow. Of course, it all points to the idea of manhood. But manhood founded in CHRIST is sexy. In fact, would it be fair to say its about the MOST sexy a man can get? Sexy to me means display - it is displaying the guns of your motives. With a clear conscience, being a man, you can flaunt as much sex appeal as you like. The problem is of course - sin. Sin more than just makes you unsexy - it emasculates men. The penis was not designed to be uncontrolled and stupid - it needs to be comfortable where it is - with Christ - because everything else is done from fear.

HopefulLeigh
HopefulLeigh

"If being a single Christian is seen by many in the church as such an unfortunate event, it would stand to reason that single people can’t actually be desirable." This is the crux of the issue. Clearly singles must be doing something "wrong" or they'd already be married. The church's response is then how to "fix" us single folks, along the lines of encouraging us to wear more make-up, try on-line dating, or join the church's singles group if there is one. The truth is I don't know why I'm still single but that doesn't make me less of a person, less sexy or less of a sexual being. I wish the church would come alongside us because the older we get, the harder it is to be obedient when it comes to chastity. I'm blessed to have other single Christian friends with whom I can have frank conversations about this very topic, as well as what Ally mentioned in the comments above.

Nicole Cottrell
Nicole Cottrell

Ally, Now that I have discovered your blog, as well, I would love to hear your perspective on Christian sexuality. I think the practical application of this subject, which you touch on is intriguing. How do we practically exercise healthy sexuality in the context of our faith? Hmm...now you've got me thinking too...Great stuff. Thank you so much for sharing!

J
J

My wife is absolutely HOT when she reaches for my hand and says let's pray about this. Good words, Nicole! Thanks for hosting Nicole, Antwuan!

Brittany Thomas
Brittany Thomas

Very very interesting perspective.  Lust and desire. My take is that someone is always going to find u sexy. Like it or not. I think that as a. Christian it is important to find out who u truly are and be u. First and foremost. I don't think that if u are looking for a mate that u should step out of who u are and try to be something u are not. Even trying to be sexy. Not to say u cannot care about your appearance because that is something to consider, but make sure it displays who u are. Also modesty is the way the bible speaks we should dress.  That does not mean be covered from head to toe. But it does mean leave some things to the imagination. I am married and yes my husband does find me sexy. But the sexiness about who I really am on a everyday basis. Not what I pretended to be. lusting is indeed a sin and we are not lead others to sin not intentionally. Desiring something...... Fine line. What comes to my mind is what a man thinks in his heart so is he. Also to put all thoughts and imaginations into captivity. Fine line... But anyway, everyone has some type of a sex appeal. Physical, mental, emotional. But I say be u. your sexy flows from u knowing who u are.

@antwuanmalone
@antwuanmalone

Well said. I'd love to hear more of your thoughs. Don't worry about dominating anything... the conversations get pretty lengthy here. ;p

Sharideth Smith
Sharideth Smith

well done. i also think we need to be careful about what it is we're judging exactly when we look at singles. some people are just sexy, no matter what they wear. it's a genetic lottery. i think people forget that modesty is an attitude as much as a dress code.

Cindy Holman
Cindy Holman

I totally agree - singles in love with Jesus IS HOT!! Thanks for posting this!

@antwuanmalone
@antwuanmalone

Thanks Leigh, Interesting for me to hear that the singles don't feel the church has much to say to them. I'll have to consider that in my own budding ministry. Thanks!

allyspotts
allyspotts

Okay, I've thought about this a ton but I'm a little hesitant to put my thoughts to words since this topic can get sticky. Oh well, here goes nothing... Some really practical ways that I think Christian singles (and marrieds - but I'm single, so speaking form that perspective) can acknowledge and express their sexuality. 1. Be willing to talk about it. I'm always surprised by how many Christians I meet who are taken aback by straightforward language about sex, sexuality and our bodies. In fact, sometimes I think 20-something Christian singles respond to the word "sex" like high school or junior higher students (nervous laughter, avoidance, etc). Even though I admit that talking about sex can be a little nerve-wracking, I think we're in real trouble if we aren't willing to have open or honest dialogue about the realities of sex and our own sexuality. 2. Along these same lines, I think it is important to ADMIT that we are sexual beings and we have sexual desires. Like I said in my comment the other day, I do believe it's important not to "arouse or awaken love until its time" but I don't think that means that we ignore the fact that we are sexual beings, even before we are married. Just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean I don't want sex. It just means I want to experience sex in the context God intended. 3. Practice discernment. Given my two suggestions above, I think it is necessary that we exercise discernment about who we have these conversations with, and when, and how. Same-sex friendships are likely a safe place, but I think there is also a point in a dating relationship where (with some wise council perhaps) these issues should be addressed. 4. Allow ourselves to embrace femininity/masculinity. This one is hard because I think that it looks different for different people, but I would say that as a woman I can practice being "sexy" by dressing up for a guy I am dating (or interested in). I don't have to dress immodestly to do this. In fact I think the "sexiest" outfits a woman can wear leave something to the imagination. But I also believe there is something about a woman putting on a great outfit and a little make-up (and maybe even a pair of heels) that is really attractive. Again, this looks different for different people in different places but I think this is one way a single woman can make herself "vulnerable" (in a good way - sexuality is about vulnerability) to man. Hope that makes sense. These are all thoughts in progress... I'm open to critique. Thoughts anyone?

Nicole Cottrell
Nicole Cottrell

Brittany, I think you make such a great point. Sexiness can very much be derived from knowing who you are. I would put it this way to be even more specific: Sexiness comes from knowing who you are in Christ. It might sound counter-intuitive to use the word "sexy" and "Christ" in the same sentence. I think "sexy" though can be as simple as attractive, alluring, or appealing. I know many people who are simply attractive (i.e. people of both genders are drawn to them in a non-sexual way) because of who they are in Jesus. Thanks for commenting Brittany and sharing your thoughts!

Nicole Cottrell
Nicole Cottrell

Modesty as an attitude. I like that concept and very much agree. Modesty, I think as far as Christians are concerned, comes from a place of holiness and humility. That is very much a mindset...

@antwuanmalone
@antwuanmalone

That's true. In fact, there are many times that people are sexy and they don't even know it!

reneamac
reneamac

"This looks different for different people in different places." Spot on. (Pun fully intended. :) What I appreciate most about this statement is that is speaks truth into a culture which is constantly imposing a definition of sexy upon us. I am so tired of being told definitively what is and isn't sexy. (It isn't very postmodern of our "Postmodern" culture to impose absolutes and ideals upon us, but whatever.) We as human beings are image-bearers of the Logos, Christ, the Word, who with words brought all things into being. As such we too have creative power over reality; power to create and define (though obviously not the the same extent: we can't create out of nothing for example)... power (and responsibility) to define, for example, sexiness. Sexy is not wholly predetermined by biology. As Logos-followers, we are called to be ministers of reconciliation; we have a responsibility to use our creative linguistic capabilities redemptively, not to sit by passively (uncritically) absorbing the world's definitions, playing its game by its rules. At the same time, building a hedge of extra rules around ourselves to be extra sure we don't commit the "big sins" (namely sexual sins, even including being "too sexy" which Sharideth sagely alludes is often determined by jealousy of the 'genetic lottery') is in fact, as Ally points out, not helpful but repressive, not genuine modesty, but mere litigiousness. So... maybe I have strong feelings about this; which is why I'm glad there is thoughtful discussion happening here.

@antwuanmalone
@antwuanmalone

Thanks! I hope she sticks around because I need all the ideas I can get! I've got to check out your site ally... maybe you'll do some guest blogging for the site one of these days.

allyspotts
allyspotts

Okay, Antwuan, I will share my favorite blog commenter with you. But only since she was so generously shared with me! Haha :) You're welcome.

@antwuanmalone
@antwuanmalone

Mmm... I really like that idea you mention of "building a hedge" and how we do that to keep ourselves from sinning. You are absolutely right about that (you may see a blog based on that idea here soon!!) We do often allow bad church doctrine and/or social definitions to chain us down, when the Bible says we are free. Not, of course, to push the envelope and see how much we can get away with, but to pursue a well-balanced life of loving God and others... including romantically and all that proper line drawing of boundaries that come with that. Thank you for your comment! I really appreciate it.