Christian, Married, … and Sexy?!

In Love by Antwuan Malone11 Comments

Is It Okay to be Christian, Married and Sexy?

Guest Posted by Nicole Cottrell:
(read my post on this subject HERE)


Before my marriage, if you would have asked me if a woman can be sexy and married, I would have answered with a resounding, “Yes!”

Last Wednesday, Antwuan Malone and I tackled the question of whether or not single Christians can be sexy. But today, we’re asking if married Christians can be sexy.

Many of you commented here and over at Modern Reject, stating that you agreed they could, but were still unsure and unclear about the ramification and connotations associated with the word “sexy.”

The Bible, however, has a lot to say about sexiness within marriage. In fact, the Bible contains one of the sexiest, steamiest, and most graphic descriptions of lovemaking around.

*ahem* It’s about to get hot in here…

Despite what some Christians might have you believe, God created sex to be enjoyed and Song of Solomon is proof of that. The book portrays the pure love of a Shulammite woman and the shepherd that she is betrothed to marry.

The book is rife with sexual descriptions of a what a husband and wife should aspire to sexually within marriage. The Shulammite woman is described as fair, beautiful, and sensual. The shepherd is described as handsome, charming, and her beloved.

Countless commentaries have been written on the Song of Solomon. Many theologians disagree as to the interpretation of the text, as to whether it is allegorical or literal. I’m no theologian, but I’d like to think it is literal–the sexual longing of a bride for her groom and he for her.

In one such commentary, the idea that God created sex for sex’s sake is underlined:

Here [in the Song of Solomon] sex is for joy, for union, for relationship, for celebration. Its lyrics contain no aspirations to pregnancy, no anticipations of parenthood. The focus is not on progeny to assure the continuity of the line but on passion to express the commitment to covenant between husband and wife.

So, if we agree that the Lord created sex, not only to procreate, but also to simply enjoy–are we also willing to accept the idea that it logically follows that sexiness can and should be a trait within marriage?

I would hope that every spouse agrees that their particular husband or wife is, indeed, sexy. Perhaps they do not meet the world’s definition of sexy–superficial, shallow, and strictly appearance-based–but they are sexy, nonetheless.

The reason? Because they are yours…because they are the Lord’s gift to you. Much like the young Shulammite woman and her shepherd in Song of Solomon, you are desirous of the lover God has given you, teeming with want and passion.

Marriage, as designed by God, is the breeding ground for sexiness. It is the holy, protected union before the Lord, whereby two individuals can fully express their love spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Of course, sexiness is not only the physical manifestation of love (i.e. the act of sex), but also the longing and desire for your spouse. The Song of Solomon is, in fact, not the memory of the physical act of marriage, but the longing for such a time.

The two would-be lovers were just that–would-be. Their account is one of anticipation, built up sexual desire, and sexual tension. All these two lovers want is one another. They expressed this desire through detailed description. Some could even call it foreplay. Of course this sexual wanting was all to take place within the pure and holy context of marriage…and man, it doesn’t get much sexier than that.

[box]Nicole Cottrell is trained in the fine art of button-pushing. She uses her skills daily on Modern Reject where she writes about the intersection of faith and culture as well as the unpopular stuff no one else likes to talk about. Nicole is a speaker, writer, discipler, and coffee fanatic.

website: twitter: @modernreject [/box]


Read Candid Christianity’s view of this subject soon on the ModernReject site :


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Antwuan Malone is a Ministry Director at ELEVATE Young Adult Ministry ( where empowers young adults toward Christian leadership. He is passionate about seeing young adults take their place in church history by drawing near enough to God to hear his call on their life, and courageously living in obedience to that call.
Cindy Holman
Cindy Holman

Great article - I've always believed it to be literal - sex between married people is meant to be ENJOYED!!


I think the problem here is one of location. You are absolutely right that Christian spouses can and SHOULD be sexy to and for each other but the problem comes when they take that out of an intimate location and into the public arena. I know many Christians both male and female who dress sexily, as in to make themselves look sexually appealing. I do not think that is appropriate. If it's a sin to lust after someone then surely it must be wrong to dress and act in a way which is certain to make men or women around you lustful. It's awful though when husbands and wives don't make an effort for each other. It's disrespectful and ungodly. As you pointed out, that's just not how he designed us!

Nicole Cottrell
Nicole Cottrell

Amen Cindy! Enjoyed and celebrated, not shunned and shameful. God designed it after all.

Nicole Cottrell
Nicole Cottrell

Peter, I agree with your points. At the same time, as you mention, I do think it is important to look attractive to your spouse. The difference is that I dress for my husband (still with modesty), but not to attract other men. Spouses must look at their heart motivation. Who or what are they trying to attract?


Hmm, there's a thin line, methinks, about that. A person should be able to dress confidently and to exude beauty, style and an expression of themselves. And yet, you are right that we don't dress too sexily so that we cause others to sin. We talked alot about that line in the "singles" post, both here and an modern rejects sites. You should check it out.


Totally! Sometimes I wish my wife would dress a little more sexily.... but then I remember how glad I am that she doesn't show it all to the world and I don't have to see other men ogling her constantly. It's very easy to look attractive without looking.. ummm.... like a prostitute :-)


Absolutely. I think it would be wrong to hide your natural beauty but there is a line there. Take the recent royal wedding in England. The bride and her sister looked fantastic but their dresses focused on complementing their natural beauty rather than promoting sexual desire. People could learn a lot from that!


  1. […] Today’s post is from Antwuan Malone and is the second part in our “Christian and sexy” series. Last week we discussed singles. Today we are talking about married people. To read my thoughts on whether or not Christians be married and sexy, head over to Antwuan’s blog. […]

  2. […] Today’s post is from Antwuan Malone and is the second part in our “Christian and sexy” series. Last week we discussed singles. Today we are talking about married people. To read my thoughts on whether or not Christians be married and sexy, head over to Antwuan’s blog. […]